| Jun. 14th, 2006 @ 10:39 pm Where you been? |
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Current Location: My office
Current Mood:  pensive
Current Music: The Fray (In Over My Head-Cable Car)
Hello...been awhile, but life is crazy sometimes and I don't have time these days it seems. Since my last posting I've seen a lot and done a lot. Started seeing and stopped seeing a guy at work regularly. He's even older than the old stand by friend with benefits. But we really don't have any potential at all of going anywhere, so now we hang out from time to time and keep each other company. He's an ultra conservative guy and we disagree on everything so it's fun to argue about quality stuff, but not what I'm looking for in a full time mate!
I can't seem to get the other guy at work out of my head though. We'll name them as such: 1st older guy "Buddy", newer guy is "Dixie Chick". Long stories on the names!!! Anyway...Buddy, I find very attractive physically and enjoy the physical aspects of our relationship. The problems consist of him drinking too much too often, not wanting to allow anyone to get close to him, not real fond of kids, and also very conservative (but we are in B/CS, Texas...). So it would seem the f-buddy relationship would be great, however I seem to really have a crush on him and I can't figure out why. I think because when he's not drunk and not with his buddies, he is really sweet and I think he is very kind and compassionate. But he rarely shows this side, I've just seen him vulnerable (naked in bed will do that!) I find myself thinking, I can bring out a better side to him, but I know that this is not logical thinking, or rational for that matter. I can't change a man who is already 34 and I should not need to. But something about him drives me crazy! At work he smells so good, I find excuses to walk by his cubicle. And I don't even stop to talk only say "Hey!" sometimes and keep walking! I get all dorky! Why do I do this??? With Dixie Chick (DC for short), I enjoy hanging out but don't mind not. Maybe it's because DC initiates the encounters mostly, but Buddy doesn't always. He intrigues me because he shows interest, but not all the time...mysterious...that's probably it right there!
I dunno...I spent 2 nights in a row at his house (Buddy) this weekend and it was sweet. Lots of cuddling, which doesn't generally happen with a f-buddy, btw. So what kind of buddies are we then? Cuddle buddies? :o<
I think I just want a boyfriend...but not DC. I see a lot of people around me happy with their husbands/boyfriends and I want that! I want more kids and to settle down. But I'm torn because I'm having a lot of fun now doing stuff I missed out on in college because I was attached to a guy who didn't know how to have fun.
Thoughts? |
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bevobaby's journal
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